tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51964234955694376722024-03-05T11:49:50.206-08:00My search for HimSearching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-25743487365682219852013-11-21T08:54:00.001-08:002013-11-21T08:54:33.831-08:00Comments on The Middle Road
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I stopped blogging over a
year ago, but feel this may be the best way to answer a blog I read, "The
Middle Road" I will not going to this analyze this post for reasons
I will explain later, but I just want to comment on the words.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Discernment on my faith journey
often exhaust me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of the arguments spin
in my head like a whirlwind of leaves that gather together funneling upward,
then break apart falling flat to the ground lifeless. I must confess that
I feel like that most days. Some spiritual consolation enters my heart
and my thoughts are awakened to spin and dance, joyfully celebrating the
faith, the Holy Catholic church I am a member of but then, the winds change,
breaking apart my microburst of joy leaving me exhausted and spiritually
desolate. Thankfully great saints describe just this type
of spiritually activity and how it is to be expected in anyone who is
perusing "spiritual perfection". Okay let me put
this out there right now. Even though I use these words. "Spiritual perfection", I
may be the farthest from that. Farther than anyone who may fall upon this
blog. BUT it is my desire, so let me put it out there. I AM
NOT AN INTELECT. So criticize, my grammar, my choice of words, and my spiritual
knowledge. If I worried about all of that I would not be writing. I
would be locked up in my room feeling sorry for myself. Okay,
now that I have said that. Let me continue. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Let me say right off, my
reversion to the faith was a complete gift. I feel I was one person one
day and the complete opposite the next. My priest tells me this usually
doesn't happen and that I actually received no merit in this act at all.
Maybe it was an answer to someone's prayers or my prayers. I really don't
know, but I thank God every day for this awesome grace I was
given. Many times in my life I have been asked to take the
middle road. My first true spiritual director told me that maybe I
was being asked to "Stand in the GAP" I took these words to my heart
and still hold them close. None of us actually know God's plan for us,
but we want to be perfect servants. Don't we? So I spend hours and
hours meditating on these sort of things. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> </span></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Getting back to the
post. I have to say I was allowed to travel both roads. At the
time of spiritual awakening, with my newly recognized faith, I jumped head on
into every activity allowed in my parish and the surrounding
parishes. I felt that was what God wanted of me at the time. My desire
to understand His truths was ravenous, and so I went way beyond what I might
consider the average Catholic might do. I spent many sleepless nights
reading everything I could get my hands on, and I was a person who never ever
read anything. As I studied more I traveled up the Novus Ordo
road and ended up TRADITIONAL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
felt really scandalized by what I had been taught for the past forty something
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is the only way I can
explain the grief I felt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><o:p><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"> </span></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I have been trying to follow
St. Francis’ rule of 1221.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At one point
I contacted different Franciscan priests seeing if any one of them might
consider directing a group of people who want to revert to something closer to
Saint Francis’ original rule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More than
once I was told I had to stand more in the middle combining the two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>NO, I don’t believe this is physically possible
unless a person wants to be torn in two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I spent many hours and years trying to be just that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went to events in my new found parish where
the TLM and NO masses are offered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw
that people really didn’t pass freely between the two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still I tried, I went to the N.O. mass with
my mantilla and long skirts and made a few acquaintances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I continued attending meetings of the SFO and
even became the coordinator for the Adoration chapel at my church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a table at the school fall fair that
had traditional literature and books hoping that people might have some
interest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>NOPE.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think seeing me is painful to them. ( I
look OLD FASHIONED! )<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that
attending those events were painful for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We have two different spiritualties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The differences are greater than the similarities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t figure it out until I started
studying documents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We follow a
different catechism whether anyone wants to admit it or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is an absolute no no for us is perfectly
allowed for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again let me say I
stood in that church for years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stood
in the sanctuary as cantor and visited the sick as a Eucharistic minister. I
loved it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Novus Ordo church made
me quite happy and what I thought was fulfilled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I read the documents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ones that people don’t read explaining
how ministers of Holy Communion should be in extraordinary circumstances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How special care must be taken when giving
communion in the hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How Priests hands
were consecrated and that is why they were allowed to touch and hold the sacred
vessels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I noticed how the altar servers
were all male at the TLM and that if at any time they had to touch the sacred
vessels they held them with their surplice. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How if the tabernacle was to be opened a bell
would ring and ALL would genuflect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
saw no of this during my life time going to the Novus Ordo mass. It is not
healthy to pray and act a certain way at the TLM and then take off the Mantilla
and long skirt and remove all the rules of sacredness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If and when I questioned why things are so
different it created friction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if
it was asked in humility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My story is so
long and complicated that I can’t really share it but my conclusion is we have
two churches, two theologies, and I think two priesthoods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">I can’t explain why Our Holy
Father teaches the way he teaches.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do
know that when I was in the church he favors I was a grievous sinner and really
didn’t understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I committed so many
sins through what I want to blame on complete ignorance, but really it was
probably lack of desire to understand my faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I separated myself from grace by my own sinfulness and I couldn’t see my
way clear of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The happiness I found
in the church I attended was only a costume I put on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I changed myself outwardly but not on the
inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p><br />
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Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-33964063064913780352012-09-26T08:27:00.003-07:002012-09-26T10:24:28.473-07:00Changes for the good I haven't written a post in a very long time. Please first let me apologise for any pride filled or boastful things I may have written in the past. I have been through many changes. Keith and I have left the Secular Franciscan's and are postulants in the Association of Brothers and Sisters of Penance. <a href="http://www.bspenance.org/">http://www.bspenance.org/</a> The Franciscan's decided to abandon the rule Francis had given in the year 1221 for Third Order Franciscan's( a truth we were kept from knowing) some time on the 70's. When this came to my attention, I shared it with Keith, they would not allow us to follow his rule ,so we were forced to leave them. Anyway we have started our own association and have been learning how to follow Francis' rule. I regularly (almost daily) attend the Traditional Latin mass and have been trying to change from the Christian Prayer book to the Roman Breviary which has the readings that follow theTLM Roman Missal in accord with the Code of Rubrics, affective Jan., 1961. I truly believe Francis has brought us to this beautiful Sanctuary. I pray for the guidance of our Blessed Mother, and I ask that you remember, "Adoramus te Christe, Adoramus te Christe" and look to what the church has always taught. Look to the saints, to the doctors of the church, what they followed. What they proclaimed as truth. What they died for. Follow them, they will lead you to the fullness of His truth. I place this blog under the protection of Our Lady of Grace.<br />
pax et bonum.<br />
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HSearching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-70580772025637075932011-09-24T14:06:00.000-07:002011-09-24T14:06:34.727-07:00All is not black and whiteI went to confession tonight, Well, at least I tried to go. I visited my old parish, the one I belonged to for twenty something years. The one my kids received their sacraments at. I have only been formally away for a little over a year, but it feels like an eternity. I sat at the bench waiting for the door to open, but nothing. An old friend came and sat by me and whispered,"It is so good to see you." Then she told me that Father..... had already left the confessional. It was about 3:35. I had remembered that confession ran from 3:00 to 3:45, but if I got in by then he a priest who was not saying that mass would hear my confession. As I left, the greeter at the door said." It seems to me confession ends at 3:30. Wow, the only confession besides a private appointment for the entire parish weekly and 30 minutes was more than adequate. That made me really sad. I wondered to myself, why did I even try to go there? Maybe because I thought about the priest and the many confessions I had made with him. Maybe because I prefer to go to confession at least every other week and my confessor cancelled this week. I don't really know. Maybe it was just because I was suppose to see my old friend and feel the warmness that is felt when seeing her. I don't know. This church is so different than mine. I find myself lost in a space somewhere between loving the Traditional church and trying to understand what God wants me to do with all the feelings I have for my OLD church. I am not really comfortable at the Norvus Ordo mass anymore. I really like having a priest who is not afraid to teach the truth, with no frills, no jokes,just complete reverence and love. I know God wants me to bridge my thoughts instead of Loving one and condemning the other. I find many TLM goers do just that. I can't. I love all of these people and know they want to serve God as I want to serve God. I left the church almost in tears. In my head I was hearing "It is not always Black and White. " When I heard these words in my head, I pictured My priest and Some Benedictine nuns that I know. I pictured the crisp Black and white conservative dress, they choose, to me, that represents their traditional thoughts and actions. Then I pictured the Franciscan priests in this parish, whom wear a Habit of grey. Even though I prefer the first, I can't stop loving and trying to find my place back to this very loud and colorful parish. I don't want to pray this way, BUT I do want to understand what God wants me to do with all of these thoughts. For now I hold them all inside where they agitate and sicken me. Then I think to myself, " Maybe that is why I prefer BROWN.<br />
<br />
<dd><i>Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.</i></dd><dd><i>Where there is hatred, let me sow love.</i></dd><dd><i>Where there is injury, pardon.</i></dd><dd><i>Where there is doubt, faith.</i></dd><dd><i>Where there is despair, hope.</i></dd><dd><i>Where there is darkness, light.</i></dd><dd><i>Where there is sadness, joy.</i></dd>
<dl><dd><i>O Divine Master,</i></dd><dd><i>grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;</i></dd><dd><i>to be understood, as to understand;</i></dd><dd><i>to be loved, as to love.</i></dd><dd><i>For it is in giving that we receive.</i></dd><dd><i>It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,</i></dd><dd><i>and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.</i></dd></dl>
<dl><dd><i>Amen.</i></dd></dl>
Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-52692785197202277602011-04-01T11:55:00.000-07:002011-04-01T12:47:02.699-07:00It's all about the sacrificeI had to share this thought and see what people thought of it. I was listening about the Pascal Sacrifice today and was reminded that the whole sacrifice of Passover was offering the Blood of the Lamb on their doorpost to save their 1st born son. We have all heard this, but today I put it together with how way back (for the Jews) the first born son was the priest of the family. Something like that. Now If we consider how much the sacrifice was removed from the mass, it may be easier to consider why we have so few priests. Without the blood of the Lamb, the first born sons would be lost. How often do we think only of the sacred meal instead of the fact that Jesus told us He would be the sacrifice. <br />The daily mass I attend it the Latin Low mass. I noticed that both reading were different than the Norvus Ordo mass today. We read about Moses and Aaron,(Num.20,2.3;6-13)striking the rock twice and the Lord said to them,"Because you were not faithful to Me...........you shall not lead this community into the land I will give them. <br />This was Moses! A very faithful servant who doubted and changed what God wanted him to do. He suffered a great punishment. Why should we be any different. He said He was the Lamb of God ......... We must understand that If the Jews offered the lamb and than just ate it, they(their sons) would not have been saved. It had to be complete (blood on the doorpost) for the sacrifice to save them. I sure hope everyone understands the full sacrifice, not just the banquet.<br />This is what filled my head during holy mass today. I wonder what people thought about in the Norvus Ordo? <br /> <strong> no blood sacrifice, no priests</strong>Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-64213166235553359842011-01-18T11:07:00.000-08:002011-01-18T11:23:42.469-08:00Continuing with the Holy angels VFrom now on evil always assaults good, the devil will assault the angel. But the evil one cannot be victorious. When the good angel fights, he does not rely on his own strength, but upon GOD's: he fights"in the name of GOD", with the divine might and majesty, So the faithful angel next to GOD is the victor, the first creaturely bearer of GOD's Triumph.<br /><br />In his fall, the dragon and his followers fell to the earth. Again it says in Holy Scriptures,"As soon as the devil found himself thrown down to the earth, he sprang in pursuit of the woman....."and a few lines further"....but the earth came to her rescue; it opened it's mouth and swallowed the river thrown up by the dragon's jaws. Then the dragon was enraged with the woman and went away to make war on the rest of her children, that is, all who obey GOD's commandments and bear witness for JESUS."(Apoc.12:13-17)<br /><br />Man too, has to stand a test. He is called to respect the will of GOD; he is to defend GOD's law's against the serpent which was hurled upon the earth and who now goes about to corrupt mankind through woman.Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-87032526743683511132011-01-05T10:07:00.000-08:002011-01-08T18:53:54.683-08:00Angels IVBoth, however, are the image of GOD; both had to decide freely for GOD or against GOD; for the majesty of GOD is not love alone, but also justice. This justice demanded the free decision of angels and men, in order to judge their worthiness of being GOD,s image. Each of these creatures, angel and man, was tested according to the knowledge and power of will; proper to his nature. <br /><br />But already the host of the angels had divided itself. Holy Scripture says,"And there was a battle in heaven; Michael and his angels battled with the dragon, and the dragon fought with his angels. And they did not prevail, neither was their place found any more in heaven. And that great dragon was cast down, the ancient serpent, he who is called the devil and Satan, who lead astray the whole world; and 1he was cast down."(Apoc. 12:7-9)<br /><br />Here something new occurs: creature fights against creature. It is not the Lord GOD who single-handedly throws the rebellious angels into the depths. He let the faithful angels fight the unfaithful ones. The great oppositions begin: the adversary places himself against GOD.Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-20164205386644995682011-01-01T08:12:00.000-08:002011-01-01T08:34:13.470-08:00A gift of the Angels IIIThe angels are sent from God to man, for angels existed before man. The angels are the first creatures of GOD. In Scripture it says," In the beginning God created heaven and earth."(Gen.1:1) GOD created heaven first, i.e. the spiritual creatures together with their dwelling place, the spiritual, supernatural heaven (for the earthly sky which men call "heaven" was created only later.-Gen.1:8). And then GOD created the earth, the material creation. Lastly He created man. So at the beginning of all creation we meet the image of GOD, the angel- and at the conclusion of creation we find the image of God, man.<br />But the angels and men are quite different. The angel is pure spirit; his entire nature is immortal. Man consists of an immortal, spiritual soul and a mortal, material body. So one may say: the angel is ordered more towards GOD the SPIRIT while man is ordered more towards GOD the SON, the WORD,and the Son of Man JESUS CHRIST. The angel is not subject to growth and decline; however, is subject to his material nature in his"becoming" and "passing away")<br /><em>Taken from: <strong>O Angel Of God My Gardian Dear... </strong>National center for Padre Pio <br />Barto, PA</em>Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-30465391762603720072010-12-27T13:16:00.000-08:002010-12-27T13:34:52.985-08:00The gift of the Angels III continue with the angels.....<br />It is proof of His trust in the angels, whom He called to be our guardians, admonishers, and guides, and whom He likewise protects against us. He has clearly presented the angels as the bearers of His authority.<br /><br />It is proof of His great love and care for mankind, for these words are addressed not to a single individual, but to every man especially to the individual members of the People of GOD(Reading taken from the Mass of the Guardian Angels, October 2nd.)<br /><br />It is proof that angels have been equipped with higher power of mind, ability and authority because GOD has placed them above man and orders man to listen to the angels for,"My name is in him" (the authority of GOD).<br />It is a proof the GOD has coordinated the respective orders of angels and men so that together they may fight the enemies of GOD. It is proof of the actual help of the holy angels in their activity of encouraging, teaching,caring and fighting in the entire universe of man. But it is also a happy proof that if we fight for His kingdom with His angels, the True, Almighty and Faithful GOD will grant us victory, protect us, revenge us and take us into His heavenly dwelling. The guardian angels shall lead us to heaven!Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-66429271321247320212010-12-26T06:40:00.000-08:002010-12-27T17:15:27.523-08:00Sharing the reality of the gift of the Angels<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX611scGsPzGhM_IfRd7apKOhgWXjtuEiY5psJ1iWrsBwQsIvrK_Tecfc9YazUM3rWdkbxte_sBIkNiG5oilVt52ZH9a3X9wrni_HJHiiEgV8vuLBcxqhJIN3dg2rrOfkRFJEueB1dlX8/s1600/p-pio.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 254px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX611scGsPzGhM_IfRd7apKOhgWXjtuEiY5psJ1iWrsBwQsIvrK_Tecfc9YazUM3rWdkbxte_sBIkNiG5oilVt52ZH9a3X9wrni_HJHiiEgV8vuLBcxqhJIN3dg2rrOfkRFJEueB1dlX8/s320/p-pio.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5555004726471961458" /></a><br />Merry Christmas everyone!<br /><br /><br /><br />I haven't been writing but would love to share a little book I have been reading. It was written by the National Center for Padre Pio and the Confraternity of the Guardian Angels. I pray to my Angel everyday and feel this has been a great gift.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong></strong><strong>O Angel Of God My Guardian Dear.......</strong>A gift to Parde Pio on the occasion of the 100th Anniversary of his Birth.<br />So speaks the Lord GOD:<br />"Behold I send My Angel before you, to guard you along the way and bring you to the place that I have prepared. Give him reverence and listen to all that he says. Offer him no defiance; he will not pardon such a fault, for My Name is in him. But id you heed his voice and carry out all I tell you, I will be an enemy to your enemies and a foe to your foes. And My Angel will go before you."<br /><br />If GOD speaks in this way of His Angels, then It must undoubtedly be true, and it is certainly a proof that the angels are His creatures, that He created them and is their Lord. But it is also proof that man is His creature, that He created him, and that He is Lord of angels and men and all creation.<br /><br /><em> to be continued......</em>Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-72610372048991753642010-11-04T10:40:00.000-07:002010-11-04T11:06:42.617-07:00Saint Francis help me find my wayI joined a new parish yesterday. I don't know if I am relieved or sad. I don't know. All that I know is, personally, I am going through a storm and I look to my daily mass for strength, encouragement and direction. No matter how hard I tried to stay at my parish of almost 25 years. I couldn't. Some discouraging thing would happen to me at every mass. I wanted to keep my eyes closed the whole time. How can my faith and prayer bring me away from a Catholic church. It has. I found a beautiful church with a great Shepard who cares and gives direction about practice of virtues and removal of vices and living a holy life in every homily. At this church there is a real crucifix, statues of saints, an altar rail,a centrally located tabernacle,relics, novenas, bible study taught by the priest, first Saturday devotion of the Blessed Mother and quiet reverence after receiving the most Holy Eucharist. Every one of these things were missing from my old parish. Where did they go? Saint Francis help me find my way. My heart breaks leaving the Franciscan parish, but I had to focus on Christ, and what he deserves, how He is treated. I'm trusting you Francis, and I'm trusting in Jesus. I just what to continue my true search for Him.Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-12454641878282346042010-10-12T17:36:00.000-07:002010-10-12T17:55:38.707-07:00October 13,1984-October 13, 2010<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx64YKGOFJZBhHq6IMrmVzMN-WGDyTtNPFAT06afUqCOm9VSZF86QwDIejkDHmnNHJhOMJPk6IJNuq1x_rSRJgUq0qbFnaUS7W2snciKfq0HRSEql5b_e7y4ZZu02KnAuajzw8CsBHcng/s1600/IMG_2846.JPG"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 298px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx64YKGOFJZBhHq6IMrmVzMN-WGDyTtNPFAT06afUqCOm9VSZF86QwDIejkDHmnNHJhOMJPk6IJNuq1x_rSRJgUq0qbFnaUS7W2snciKfq0HRSEql5b_e7y4ZZu02KnAuajzw8CsBHcng/s400/IMG_2846.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527327055877216786" /></a><br /><strong></strong><strong></strong>Happy 26th Anniversary Darling! God is good!Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-48310431249973114602010-10-11T17:16:00.000-07:002010-10-11T18:37:32.089-07:00The Tenth Station<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQcEavOf9syQ9KTpO1vfW5CawqSkOMtv6VXe1mKkO_raAVQCzodgL7uURA0njP3_adNNPxsbKtzznVWdSKiqwixCqxCCe_Ydf1HxZiwyxBMZtkhVP9UZzADBa7FctVBiyjBrOlYaj-Kl8/s1600/tenth-station-of-the-cross-jesus-clothes-are-taken-away.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 221px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQcEavOf9syQ9KTpO1vfW5CawqSkOMtv6VXe1mKkO_raAVQCzodgL7uURA0njP3_adNNPxsbKtzznVWdSKiqwixCqxCCe_Ydf1HxZiwyxBMZtkhVP9UZzADBa7FctVBiyjBrOlYaj-Kl8/s320/tenth-station-of-the-cross-jesus-clothes-are-taken-away.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526963954923852290" /></a><br /> "<em><strong>Jesus stripped of His Garments</strong></em>" Every morning I drive 25 minutes to morning mass. This morning I was compelled to take a different route. Since I am taking all back roads, there are several combinations of roads I can take. While passing a tobacco shed on my right, I caught a glimpse of an old pick-up truck which appeared to be hiding behind the shed. I know that may seem like a strange description, but that was the picture my minds' eye saw. When I was a young girl, my mother often hid her car in or behind an old tobacco shed. I can remember her having to lift the board, open the two big doors and drive her car in. I can almost remember how it smelled and the soft interior sand floor under my feet. I can remember her taking my hand and guiding me out in only the light of the moon. I remember that there were many different places, many different sheds. I remember how we would almost run, not to be seen by anyone especially my Father. I don't tell people about those days. It all seemed so clear to me this morning. How did a child comprehend love? This man that held my hand and wiped my nose would become so enraged that he would say to my mother," I'll kill you." Word's similar to that were quite common. I can remember her fear, by the way she held my hand tight so I would walk really fast, and by her breath. As I grew I wonder if I ever knew love,? trust? I went searching in every wrong place for a love that I really had no real understanding of. In my innocence and ignorance I sinned. Now as I passed this shed I remembered my meditation on the tenth station.<em><strong> My soul has been robbed of its robe of innocence, clothe me dear Jesus with the garb of penance and contrition.</strong></em> Sometimes He allows us to go back, way back. To heal very old wounds. I look at the sacrifice He made and I unite mine with His. Maybe someday, all my wounds will be healed. For now, I will walk with Him through those stations every morning preparing myself once again, for His Sacrifice. In this I am healed.Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-35649237416051051882010-09-16T11:00:00.000-07:002010-09-16T13:32:41.871-07:00A pleasant surprise<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-HpYclCQIRXDtqnKBciM3Ts0or1ytTk6B1fifZxxvhxZAfncS4v1vOfmL_YKSRnUcWk3sgmuUAFQLWBYAXNk4ghX-XRRsZSj_JUuu8cGDrbaUgFZLJBp0vTXtwBJ26XXH8eyuuHGL3ns/s1600/IMG_2918.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-HpYclCQIRXDtqnKBciM3Ts0or1ytTk6B1fifZxxvhxZAfncS4v1vOfmL_YKSRnUcWk3sgmuUAFQLWBYAXNk4ghX-XRRsZSj_JUuu8cGDrbaUgFZLJBp0vTXtwBJ26XXH8eyuuHGL3ns/s320/IMG_2918.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5517611965113799298" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj6yJbFDC0KiFBGXkcoXv-Wof7nJmmVMcVOGecIlUB9LtaXwYzbQC6fhm-oIxjsqoKgjZRy9jL54-lpJ7Zkh7-0WYgmPW-FenpNjuLWcnW-8iZqJR_srXp1kgeRtvZAVRkeyjVPz7t6ko/s1600/IMG_2925.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj6yJbFDC0KiFBGXkcoXv-Wof7nJmmVMcVOGecIlUB9LtaXwYzbQC6fhm-oIxjsqoKgjZRy9jL54-lpJ7Zkh7-0WYgmPW-FenpNjuLWcnW-8iZqJR_srXp1kgeRtvZAVRkeyjVPz7t6ko/s400/IMG_2925.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5517580993872938498" /></a><br />I want to share this simple story with you. As I have admitted over and over, I spend many hours of my day conversing with God and His angels. I was on Martha's Vineyard doing yard work and I decided that I would spend the late morning clamming. I went to the Sailing camp which is now closed. I could see one other man clamming quite a distance from me. I clammed for around an hour or so when I decided to head home. I had got about 1/3 of a bushel and didn't come as prepared as I should have. I had made my way quite a distance and had to bring all of these clams back to where my car was parked. It was a walk up a very steep rocky road that my car couldn't manage. As I slowly made it back to where I sarted I prayed to God saying it would be very nice if someone would come along with a truck so I didn't have to carry this heavy basket up the hill. I really didn't know how I would get it, my clamming rake and my camera up that steep rocky hill. I kept praying my rosary and walking in knee deep water, fighting to balance everything,when I see a man pull up in a truck right where I came out of the dirt road. As I stepped out of the water, he asked me." would you like me to put your clams in the back of my truck and bring them to the top of the hill?" Yes, thank you I said with a smile as I quietly thanked God for answering my prayer. Why when we pray and ask God and His angels for whatever, are we surprized when He answers? I think because maybe most people don't live this way, putting everything in His hands. <br /><strong>Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you.</strong> That is what I choose to believe and how I choose to live.Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-9935497436333511432010-08-20T11:17:00.000-07:002010-08-20T18:30:25.398-07:00The Perfect Cross<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiidfuWY-Ob8T5DPNnW_h8JHAhwNFXw0f4-bOi7l-lJ-bbx9sVBoHtrCtGIStbgJa3-zhzfLK4jxw78wrA9RCNl2nCKe8Vp_xNm2apQCN2fUlOpgh_zabxIcEzKLE1l0tWLC53TwP3ycqw/s1600/hilltop+crosses.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiidfuWY-Ob8T5DPNnW_h8JHAhwNFXw0f4-bOi7l-lJ-bbx9sVBoHtrCtGIStbgJa3-zhzfLK4jxw78wrA9RCNl2nCKe8Vp_xNm2apQCN2fUlOpgh_zabxIcEzKLE1l0tWLC53TwP3ycqw/s400/hilltop+crosses.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5507660036352434850" /></a>When listening to this morning's gospel, something came to me. A vision of the cross as a perfect symbol for our faith. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />This was the reading,Matthew 22:34-40<strong><em>,"one of them, a scholar of the law, tested him(<em><strong>Jesus</strong></em>)by asking,"Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" He said to him,"You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments." </em></strong> <br /><br /> I have been struggling lately trying to understand the way God, and Jesus and Mary for that matter speak to my heart. A way that seems so different than most people I know. My confessor once told me something to the effect,"There are two types of faith, vertical and horizontal. Your faith seems to be vertical when most people's is horizontal." I hadn't heard this before but feel maybe Jesus is teaching me with this reading, that he intended our faith to be a combination of the two. I hate to admit that I spend hours and hours a day conversing with God, Jesus, Mary our Mother, the saints and angels. I can compare it only to the feeling I had when courting my now husband. I can think of nothing else. When I am awake, when I am asleep, when I am working, and when I am resting. Every moment is filled with thoughts of Him and them and how I might become closer. This, to me is the vertical faith my priest spoke about. This, to me is the "Love the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul. This love allows my heart to long to share this feeling with everyone. It is contagious! That, to me is the horizontal part of our faith. Go out and spread the good news! "Love your neighbor as yourself." So this came to me in a split second during the gospel. If we put both aspects of faith together we get the cross, something I wish never to give up. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh_mJk8JQ9DPevzdRCwP_ijHxfImt4TzBuB4R_AhnAkyEPicIHWsPtidTkAdqW5PWrTi_Mi1OT0AhszHhp5M6tLxlRU2fkOn-B1M383Ns424JBiHK8aSG6t4ZywNdpQ2puLPEmTd2HKgo/s1600/untitled.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 125px; height: 94px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh_mJk8JQ9DPevzdRCwP_ijHxfImt4TzBuB4R_AhnAkyEPicIHWsPtidTkAdqW5PWrTi_Mi1OT0AhszHhp5M6tLxlRU2fkOn-B1M383Ns424JBiHK8aSG6t4ZywNdpQ2puLPEmTd2HKgo/s400/untitled.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5507658677383561474" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br />After mass while sitting in the Adoration chapel, at the end of my prayers, I opened my Imitation of Christ to a picture of Jesus with these words under it. "I am the truth" It felt like a perfect end to my morning mass and meditation/adoration. My prayer;<br /><em>Jesus, I thank you for all of the beautiful gifts you have given me this day. I love you!, with my whole heart,my whole soul,my whole mind, and with all my strength. I thank you for bringing me to that place you spoke so wonderfully to me about, in the past. I now understand that that place is you here, living in my own heart. So close that you are with me here at every moment. I beg you, never allow this to end. Never allow our hearts to be apart from one another, for by that, I would die a thousand deaths. I give you my heart from now into eternity. Amen </em>Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-10499796743342790362010-08-09T06:44:00.000-07:002011-09-24T14:07:30.117-07:00Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-66602977271290771142010-07-06T09:57:00.000-07:002010-07-07T10:38:04.438-07:00a fruitless harvestI haven't been able to blog in a very long time it seems. But, figure that for today I will go a differnt route, just discuss some things that are on my mind. Today's readings in Hosea seem to magnify what has been on my heart lately. <br />" the stalk of grain that forms no ear can yield no flower.".........When Ephraim made many altars to expiate sin, his altars became occasions of sin.<br />The reason why I find it so difficult to write anything is that I feel like I am being torn in two. I find myself bouncing between 2 totally different Catholic Churches. I can find NO peace doing this. In my heart and in my prayers I hear the importants of reverance, in reparation. As much as I love my home Parish, I feel in faith that I have been shown that so many things are lacking or maybe exchanged for something new and modern. I see and feel the faith that is shared by us regular morning mass goers, but also feel so much is being lost. I desire so completely for our church to be restored. I want so badly for the tabernacle to return to the center of our church. In our parish the tabernacle is over to the side. A good percentage of seats in our church have an obstructed view. People come in genuflect to the St Domiano Icon and walk right past the tabernacle. Do they understand that HE is there? I don't feel it. Maybe that is why people are leaving the church, or comming to church but ignoring his commandments . I want to run! I am so tired of feeling that our Catholic faith has been replaced right in front of our eyes. I want to walk into my church and know that was is taught is good and true and pure teachings from Jesus himself. Does anyone else feel a little scared when they hear the readings? How can He be happy with a mass that focuses on the parish priest who sits high in a preciding chair in the exact spot that the tabernacle should be. I guess I may be babbling now, but this is partly why I don't write any more. I am at a loss for words. Pray for me will you please!Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-783980602211772502010-05-07T14:31:00.000-07:002010-05-07T14:49:59.160-07:00Life lessons in a disfunctional familyI spent the last two days taking care of some family matters. Most importantly meeting at probate court trying to finalize my Mother's estate. When My mother died I was named as the executrix. I don't think I did a very good job, but what I did try to do is share my faith in every situation. It has been very difficult because the faith life that I live, is not shared with any of my siblings. What I did hear was "God" coming out of the mouth of every single one of them. I am very thankful for that. I have prayed for their conversions. That maybe they would find their hidden faith. The seed was planted, hopefully they will recognise Him in their life more. I know he has been there. They just don't recognise him. Part of me wants to share all that I learned, but at the moment I am physically exhausted. Maybe another day!Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-6522318299402352702010-03-30T05:20:00.000-07:002010-03-30T05:59:32.591-07:00Keeping all in the silence of my heartI often wonder if I should remove my blogs from this site. I haven't been in a place that sharing my thoughts is important. God is at work in my life, but he is bringing me into places that I don't quite recognise or understand. It's like He is letting me know His heart. Something I have desired for a very long time. Maybe for now I just have to keep this intimacy in the silence of my heart.Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-30163029414837146902010-02-24T08:52:00.000-08:002010-02-24T17:09:02.896-08:00Lenten offeringsI find myself asking the question "Is my offering enough"? I spent yesterday helping a woman whom I bring communion to. The thing is, the whole time I help her, I think of my own sister that I find very hard to help. She is very much like my sister. They both are very alone in their illness, not understood and mostly not helped by the medical system. As difficult as she may be, I try my best to be a helping hand for her. I want her to be well. I want her to find the help she needs to get through all of the red tape that clutters her existance. But, most of all I want to help my sister, even though she really doesn't want my help. She doesn't understand my life, my prayer, anything. She thinks I am a religious wierdo. I can't even write, it feels so painful. I don't know how to solve the issues that plague these two women, but wish I had a plan. For now I help one, wishing it were the other. Does that make any sense?Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-16473223342185333452010-02-24T08:51:00.001-08:002011-09-24T14:07:59.362-07:00Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-18650034433648778722010-02-20T13:59:00.000-08:002010-02-21T09:49:35.294-08:00Saturday morning's mass and readingsHearing the Prophet Isaiah in Saturday morning's 1st reading 58;9b-14 brought me right back into the spiritual confusion I have been feeling so strongly lately."......<em>Then light shall rise for you in the darkness, and gloom shall become for you like midday; Then the Lord will guide you always........He will renew your strength, and you will be like a watered garden</em>." It goes on and speaks about keeping holy the sabbath. <br />I am not feeling this light right now. I understand the light in my heart, but keep getting caught up between these 2 churches I am attending. Which way do I turn? I want to run away from my Franciscan parish that always speaks about "the spirit of the law", and towards the conservative traditional parish that always gives direct guidance in the homilies. Always teaching, always asking us to try to do 'more' just for God. But,as much as I feel the pull towards this parish, I also feel that our parish is my Franciscan family. For the life of me I don't understand. Where is this truth bringing me? For now I quietly pray and wait. It is in God's hands, never mine.Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-17487135078176414612010-02-14T04:40:00.000-08:002010-02-14T05:00:36.356-08:00My search for the truthWith only a few days left before lent, I am feeling pressed to figure out my Lenten offering. As I sit in prayer I seem to be getting more and more confused. I can't stop thinking about the idea that I am maybe living a double life. I may as well make the confession right here and now. As any regular readers of this blog know, I am a professed Secular Franciscan. BUT, and it is a BIG but, I have been feeling the pull away from my Franciscan Parish. I don't understand it myself. Every single day I pray for the truth, and the feelings I get make me more confused than ever. I have felt the desire to wear a head covering "Mantilla" and enjoy the Latin mass and maybe even just the reverence that I don't seem to be finding at my parish. I feel like a sinner because I flip flop from one church to the other. No one wears a head covering at my parish and as a regular cantor, I would be making a big stir. I don't know how to be strong enough to express my faith in this way at the parish I have been at for 20 something years. I feel like a hypocrite before God wearing a head covering one day at one church, and then not wearing one the next. Kneeling and receiving Eucharist at one church and standing at the other. I would have never imagined that my profession would pull me away instead of draw me in. I feel so lost. I can't stop hearing the last homily I heard from the "other priest". If you search for the truth, it will be given to you. I guess that is all I want to share.Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-80603220660628805112010-02-10T06:24:00.000-08:002010-02-10T06:47:37.889-08:00"God IS Love"I can be very shy about sharing words that come to my heart. But for today, I step out in faith and share. <br />Words heard in front of the Blessed Sacrament<br />"It's hard to imagine anything more or anything less. It's just you and me. We sit here in the silence of our hearts, yet we are joined as one. We unite our hearts in Love so as to strengthen your conviction towards the Father. It is His love that we strive for. I am only the (tool) vessel that holds his love. I bring it to you here today in this chapel, so then you can bring it to all you meet.(the world). Please hold His love preciously in your heart today and always. Keep it there waiting to come out and be shared. God IS Love, I AM Love, and now, you are Love. (Peace) Shalom!"Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-32568472434079732502010-02-04T06:32:00.000-08:002010-02-04T06:53:09.521-08:00Sanctification of all priestsLately I have felt the urge to remove this blog. I just don't feel the desire to be writing it at the moment. I guess today I want to write about the holy mass and how different each parish can be. Today I went to a neighboring parish. The morning starts with a very early recitation of the rosary. I love hearing all of the people that enter and join in at what ever mystery we happen to be on. I feel it is a true witness of that devotion. This is in comparison to our parish where the women (all over the age of 75, but me 49) wait until everyone has left and the church is empty before they recite the rosary. Okay, I don't really know where I am going with this but In this same parish I have to pray for the priest whom,(God forgive me/ I feel doesn't prepare even for a minute for his homily. He appears to run in at the very last moment and give a 1 minute homily that always says the very same thing. For me it seems like that parish is being held together by the rosary. I find myself going just to pray for that priest. I won't even go on about that, just keep him in prayer. At my parish even though I don't feel the great devotionals and community prayer, I do feel I get a good homily from one young priest who incorporates both readings and what He (God) may want us to learn. I don't know what I wrote this for, but I guess during the year of priests we must understand the humanness of our priests and our parishes and keep all of thm in prayer. We must be thankful for what we have and sometimes that may take a visit to another church. <br /><br /> Today I pray for the sanctification of all priests! St John Vianney pray for us!Searching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5196423495569437672.post-33448682836432676322009-12-30T06:21:00.000-08:002009-12-30T07:45:55.964-08:00I want to walk in the lightI write this new post not even knowing what I will write about. I have felt pulled away from Blogging. Not even reading the blogs that I so enjoyed before. I don't really understand where He is leading me. So often I step forward in faith, trying to bring Him out into the world and my small effort is misunderstood. How does that happen? Last night I read a passage in a book <em>I am your Jesus of Mercy</em>, a lesson on obedience. Jesus said,"to have an open heart is to accept what I give you gratefully, trusting that I WILL PROVIDE. To have an open heart is NOT placing emphasis and value on YOUR interpretations of what is good and what is bad. It is remaining neutral and open. It is remaining without judgement as much as possible."<br /><br />How do I do this? It, for me is so difficult to stay neutral. <br />If you don't know I have a 19 year old daughter. She is very beautiful. I find myself arguing with her about things, our faith. She knows her faith some what, but the world is pulling her away. This past week her friends have come home from college. She did some things that disappointed me and her father. We made her leave her fun Sunday evening and come home. She was furious and told me that I was making her not want to practice her faith, making her not want to go to church. She was saying things that insinuated that the rules were too hard and she needed to bend them a little. I see this happening so much in our church, our faith. I sat down and explained to her that we had only two choices, heaven or hell. We, her father and I had to stand firm in asking her to follow the commandments. That is all we ask of her, I told her. She explained how other parents allowed their children( adult children) to do so many things that we did not allow. Again I said, honor thy father and thy mother and keep holy the Sabbath were written by God and something we chose to live by. I explained that if she missed mass intentionally she could not receive the Eucharist and that she needed to reconcile this with God at confession. She told me that she wouldn't receive and might stop going to church all together if I didn't let up. I explained to her that when this life was over, I had to know that she would be there with me enjoying life eternal. She said she was so angry at us and yet couldn't be as mad as she wanted to be. As mad as she could be, if our obsession was working out or buying clothes. How could she explain to her friends that her parents put God before things of this world. PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS! I will never stop giving all I have to Jesus through Mary. I will always asks her guardian angel to help smooth the bumps that come between us. I will not stop asking our Blessed Mother to be my lips and my voice when I am speaking to her. Dearest Jesus, please give me this "open Heart " you speak of. Allow me to be brave enough to not worry what others think or say about me. Allow me to be neutral. Help me to be a good parent. Hold my family together in faith through all obstacles, for this I pray! Amen. <br /><br />Yesterday morning the first reading was a reading from the first letter of Saint John 2:3-11 <strong></strong><em></em><em>BELOVED: The way we may be sure that we know Jesus is to keep his commandments. Whoever says, "I know him," but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps his word, the love of God is truly perfect in him. This is the way we may know that we are in union with him: whoever claims to abide in him ought to walk just as he walked...........</em> With tears streaming down my cheeks I thanked Him, and I believe with those words He was thanking me. Those words were just what I needed to hear. Let us all live in His light, Happy New Year! HSearching for His truthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16533327778784469053noreply@blogger.com2