Sunday, February 8, 2009

A glimpse of Him

How is it that we hear words and somehow they never penetrate our being. We go through our life day after day feeling good in our faith and one day everything changes. We hear so often how Jesus spoke in parables knowing not everyone would hear. For a while now I have lived in a darkness that I couldn't shake. I longed for answers. Why did Jesus allow these things to take place in my life? These questions I pondered for not just days or weeks but for more than a year. I was looking for the answer from everyone but Him. No matter what I heard or read I still looked to be guided by my priest, my husband, my close friends. I think maybe with every struggle in my life I looked for some sort of validation. "Help me someone" I would run to my mother, as I got older my friend, later in my life I looked for answers from my husband, even my children. Why is it when I felt bad I had to go an tell someone, look for comfort, security, or just validation. I was told give everything to God through Mary but felt I was handing something off to Him. I finally realized it wasn't a hand off,But more like having arms so full that everything is going to fall and allowing Him to catch not only what I carried, but my whole being, to fall right into His arms. There will be No validation. It is just a uncontrolled letting go so he helps to carry whatever the burden might be. I feel today, maybe I have been given a glimpse of His true love.