Monday, October 26, 2009

At a loss for words

I Have been struggling with all of the shades of true faith. How, God, do you allow us to get so separate or distant from all of the other people in our parish. How is it that a person can say, " Communion on the tongue and wine from the cup should be banned from all church." This being a person who sits on the church counsel. This same person seems to feel like EWTN is evil, old fashioned. She says what we call tradition was invented in the early centuries of the church. When I speak out about silence after receiving, she states the church is made for fellowship. I feel so confused about how different her faith is from mine. If it weren't for my husband and the church ladies in my rosary group, I would leave my church. Yet, I know I have to stay and fight for a change to happen. The thing is, I don't fight. My words certainly don't have any value in our parish. I am at a loss for words, That is why I don't write. Maybe this blogging stuff is not for me. For now at least, maybe silent prayer is the only answer.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Twenty five years and one day ago I married my husband. We were young and probably had no idea where it was going to lead us. I can't help but say that I love him twenty five times more now, than I did then. If I did the math right, we had nine thousand one hundred twenty five days to get to know each other better. And that we did. I learned that through everything, he loves me and I love him. I never could have imagined that it would be this way. I guess that is the "When two become one"

Friday, October 9, 2009

Blind faith and trust is all we have!

Yesterday I traveled to Martha's Vineyard to attend a meeting Of LCM ( little Children Of Mary) Do to circumstances, I had to make the trip all in one day. It was the birthday of my friends who heads up this group and all trips of LCM to Haiti. I enjoy spending time with my friend. During the meeting, we went over minutes of the last meeting, discussed all new business and lastly started in the prayer time discussing how we as Little children of Mary have worked on bettering ourselves for Her and the cause we work together on. As I have shared , Margaret bases all inspiration on the messages from Our Lady Queen of Peace. All of a sudden Hell broke loose right in the middle of our meet. These women, the same ones we had just shared prayers with to Our Virgin Mother,for so many different intercessions,started expressing how they didn't want to increase their faith or conform their lives to Her teachings. I can't explain it but I saw Margaret lower her head and start praying in words that all could hear if they stopped arguing and listened. They said things like," I don't want to go to confession, I don't want to attend daily mass, I am perfectly happy just the way I am." I don't know what came over me(Maybe Mary and her most beloved spouse) but all that I had studied and read during my reconsecration about her being coredemptrix and the theories on private revelation and how our Pope is asked to come upon any decision in this regard. My heart opened and poured out on the floor in front of these six women. One was crying , one was agitated. Margaret asked that anyone who wished would take a cut message out of a wooden box and share it as the closing of the meeting. Some passed , but the messages we read were about continuing with prayer, Loving Her son, and I can't even recall, but I do remember that each reading felt like a personal gift hand picked for that very moment. I (or we) may never be totally sure of the validity of the revelations of Medgorje. What I do know is that in every private revelation we are asked to understand it's content and if it is for the greater good. For me I have prayed to God that I might understand His will in all of this. He keeps bringing me to the feet of Mary, Her arms are stretched out like a teacher. She is smiling and asking us to love Her son. How can I not listen and share this with LCM. Margaret called me as I traveled home, thanking me for my words, I told her I was very glad to open my heart for Her. That was the birthday gift I could give. BLIND FAITH AND TRUST, IS ALL WE HAVE. peace!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Will be traveling in November

Oh,if anyone follows my blog. I bought my ticket to Haiti. So far I may travel bare foot and empty handed, but I feel He has asked me to go.

The start of a new journey

Tonight we profess as Secular Franciscans. I left morning mass wanting to write about Jonah and how God called one person to make a difference in the lives of the Ninavites. How he quietly and persistently spoke to Jonah asking him to bring His words in front of them. I have felt this happening in my life and expect it happens more often than anyone might believe. He went to Jonah even though Jonah didn't feel worthy. He maybe wasn't sure in his heart, that the Ninavites deserved forgiveness. Do any of us deserved the forgiveness we ask for? No, I know I don't. I just can't believe how awesome God is that He speaks right to my heart. Let me share how my morning went. This is why the subject of this blog changed.
I left mass and headed to Springfield to have my windshield resealed for the third time. I was traveling through the X when I saw a woman walking. I couldn't tell her age. She had long black hair and carried a bag in one hand that seemed to be filled with her belongings. I found myself telling Jesus I can't stop. I need the three 20$ bills to buy my passenger book for the ferry tomorrow. I kept driving and heard "you have other money, look in your wallet.". I reached into my wallet and took out three one dollar bills and started to turn my car around. This is when I heard "no, you have to give her all that is in there."( I was saving myself $2.00 for God knows what) I took the 5 one dollar bills and looking down saw a pair of car rosary beads which I felt I had to include as part of my gift to this woman. I wrapped the bills around the beads. As I drove back I found myself pleading with Jesus that I wasn't too late, that I would see which direction she went. When I saw her I pulled down a side street and parked and approached her. I said I felt that she needed these 5 dollars. She mumbled something that I really didn't understand about not helping with the post office but that her laundry would be taken care of. She sat there on the edge of a cement planter, with a wool coat over her arm and a clear bag of her belongings beside her, in white bedroom slippers that bared all but the instep of her foot. A giant smile came over her face. She started rocking back and forth like she was in a rocking chair grinning the biggest grin that didn't go away. It was like that 5 dollars was a million dollars that had been given to her. I walked back to my car and when I drove past she was still rocking and grinning. I started to cry realizing He taught me on this special day what I needed to know most. Francis is alive and living in me. In the past He has asked me to share EVERYTHING. In my heart this is what I want to do. Yet, I find myself in this world where people have no value unless they have some great job with a good salary. I don't want any of that. I just want to bring Him out into the world. Profession is a life long journey, We will walk it together.