So many days have passed since I have found the time to write in this blog. I can't let today's readings pass without speaking about them. Hearing of the servant of Elisha in the Book of Kings 4: 42-44 and then again Philip questioning Jesus on how he or any of the disciples could begin to feed the crowds in John's Gospel6:1-15 reminded me of my own feelings of inadequacy. As anyone who reads my blog knows I have felt Jesus asking me to be His precious cup. This always amazed me, because we so often hear that we are dust, clay or something more dirty and unformed than a precious cup. Yet over and over again when I have approach Him at communion I found myself begging Him to allow me to be His hands, His feet, His mouth. To be allowed to carry Him out to the world to be received by people that don't come into His church. Or maybe bring Him to people who come, but haven't met Him as intimately as I have. And over and over He shows me through grace that I can do just that. It never happens as planned, but most often in some unexpected way, after the fact I can say, "Thank you Jesus", " Thank you God" for allowing that. I guess what I'm trying to say is I want to be like that boy who offers his 5 loaves and 2 fish innocently. Jesus excepts his offering and multiplies or magnifies it. I never want to let go of the child like innocence of that, but like the disciples I find myself saying why am I hear? How can I possibly do what you are asking. I bring doubt into the scenario and doubt stifles the works of God.
Please let me humbly share words I woke to one morning. I shared them when I first started this blog. I want to share them again. I have to believe that through prayer and offering of myself to be used as that precious cup, my small offering can become much more than I could ever imagine for myself.
You know my child, every Sabbath that reigns on you, rains like stars from the heavens. You must offer up all of your gifts at His banquet so as to anoint yourself as an offering to him. He will accept your gifts and lead you into a place closer than you have ever been before. My child, know that I am with you. I hold you now because you are my child. I love you as I do all my children. You must enter into my presence today, so I may help you through these feelings you are having. You are not alone. I am with you.
I can't explain the words, but know they have taught me that I am that small offering, no matter how inadequate. All I have to do is place myself at His feet. He will do the rest.