Thoughts after mass; Deuteronomy 30:15-20 and Luke 9:22-25
"If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.................... whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.
I am so fortunate that almost every day I get to visit God our father hear His teachings and receive His son. Holy mass is a very big part of my life. I was taught to follow my spiritual to do's by a very kind priest. These were things I should practice daily. They include mass, rosary, spiritual reading and confession as often as I need it.
I sometimes wonder why my church is so empty on any given morning and especially this day, Thursday when my church has Holy Adoration from noon to 7:00pm. There are many times that I spend my 3:00 hour alone. Jesus IS IN THE HOUSE!!! Where are the people? What I'm thinking at this very moment is very selfish. "I love having the time alone with Him." It's just a thought. I know I have to share and would much prefer the house being so packed that no other person could enter.
I wonder why it seems so clear to me, the losing ones self part. A change came in my life and from that moment all that I wanted was to give every breath to Jesus. He capture my attention in a way that was bigger than anything I had ever experienced. All of a sudden "I HEARD" every mass was a lesson on how I was to live. God changed me from the inside and then the outside. I understood that so many of the things I thought were important didn't mean anything anymore. This to me was the losing oneself part. How do I explain this to people? I often don't. They wouldn't understand. I spend much of my time in silence now. I don't need so much to have every second of my life filled with the noise of this world. I do what needs to be done and then seek the comfort of HIM. It's not often easy, but I long to please Him. In my humanness I fall daily, but as Jesus did I stand up pick up my cross an walk. That is all any of us can do. I often sit and contemplate why and how God comes to each and every one of us so differently, but was reminded that so many questions in our faith will go unanswered until we meet Him. Then all will be clear. I can't help but wonder, if this were that last Lenten journey we were all allowed to take, would we be trying harder to follow more closely, not make excuses for this or that. I want to live like that. What if this is my last chance? My children's last chance? I feel if we don't turn to Him we are making a choice that is irreparable. I pray that all will be allowed to recognise Him and follow. And, I pray that God will hear this simple servant.