Monday, December 27, 2010

The gift of the Angels II

I continue with the angels.....
It is proof of His trust in the angels, whom He called to be our guardians, admonishers, and guides, and whom He likewise protects against us. He has clearly presented the angels as the bearers of His authority.

It is proof of His great love and care for mankind, for these words are addressed not to a single individual, but to every man especially to the individual members of the People of GOD(Reading taken from the Mass of the Guardian Angels, October 2nd.)

It is proof that angels have been equipped with higher power of mind, ability and authority because GOD has placed them above man and orders man to listen to the angels for,"My name is in him" (the authority of GOD).
It is a proof the GOD has coordinated the respective orders of angels and men so that together they may fight the enemies of GOD. It is proof of the actual help of the holy angels in their activity of encouraging, teaching,caring and fighting in the entire universe of man. But it is also a happy proof that if we fight for His kingdom with His angels, the True, Almighty and Faithful GOD will grant us victory, protect us, revenge us and take us into His heavenly dwelling. The guardian angels shall lead us to heaven!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Sharing the reality of the gift of the Angels

Merry Christmas everyone!

I haven't been writing but would love to share a little book I have been reading. It was written by the National Center for Padre Pio and the Confraternity of the Guardian Angels. I pray to my Angel everyday and feel this has been a great gift.

O Angel Of God My Guardian Dear.......A gift to Parde Pio on the occasion of the 100th Anniversary of his Birth.
So speaks the Lord GOD:
"Behold I send My Angel before you, to guard you along the way and bring you to the place that I have prepared. Give him reverence and listen to all that he says. Offer him no defiance; he will not pardon such a fault, for My Name is in him. But id you heed his voice and carry out all I tell you, I will be an enemy to your enemies and a foe to your foes. And My Angel will go before you."

If GOD speaks in this way of His Angels, then It must undoubtedly be true, and it is certainly a proof that the angels are His creatures, that He created them and is their Lord. But it is also proof that man is His creature, that He created him, and that He is Lord of angels and men and all creation.

to be continued......

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Saint Francis help me find my way

I joined a new parish yesterday. I don't know if I am relieved or sad. I don't know. All that I know is, personally, I am going through a storm and I look to my daily mass for strength, encouragement and direction. No matter how hard I tried to stay at my parish of almost 25 years. I couldn't. Some discouraging thing would happen to me at every mass. I wanted to keep my eyes closed the whole time. How can my faith and prayer bring me away from a Catholic church. It has. I found a beautiful church with a great Shepard who cares and gives direction about practice of virtues and removal of vices and living a holy life in every homily. At this church there is a real crucifix, statues of saints, an altar rail,a centrally located tabernacle,relics, novenas, bible study taught by the priest, first Saturday devotion of the Blessed Mother and quiet reverence after receiving the most Holy Eucharist. Every one of these things were missing from my old parish. Where did they go? Saint Francis help me find my way. My heart breaks leaving the Franciscan parish, but I had to focus on Christ, and what he deserves, how He is treated. I'm trusting you Francis, and I'm trusting in Jesus. I just what to continue my true search for Him.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

October 13,1984-October 13, 2010

Happy 26th Anniversary Darling! God is good!

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Tenth Station

"Jesus stripped of His Garments" Every morning I drive 25 minutes to morning mass. This morning I was compelled to take a different route. Since I am taking all back roads, there are several combinations of roads I can take. While passing a tobacco shed on my right, I caught a glimpse of an old pick-up truck which appeared to be hiding behind the shed. I know that may seem like a strange description, but that was the picture my minds' eye saw. When I was a young girl, my mother often hid her car in or behind an old tobacco shed. I can remember her having to lift the board, open the two big doors and drive her car in. I can almost remember how it smelled and the soft interior sand floor under my feet. I can remember her taking my hand and guiding me out in only the light of the moon. I remember that there were many different places, many different sheds. I remember how we would almost run, not to be seen by anyone especially my Father. I don't tell people about those days. It all seemed so clear to me this morning. How did a child comprehend love? This man that held my hand and wiped my nose would become so enraged that he would say to my mother," I'll kill you." Word's similar to that were quite common. I can remember her fear, by the way she held my hand tight so I would walk really fast, and by her breath. As I grew I wonder if I ever knew love,? trust? I went searching in every wrong place for a love that I really had no real understanding of. In my innocence and ignorance I sinned. Now as I passed this shed I remembered my meditation on the tenth station. My soul has been robbed of its robe of innocence, clothe me dear Jesus with the garb of penance and contrition. Sometimes He allows us to go back, way back. To heal very old wounds. I look at the sacrifice He made and I unite mine with His. Maybe someday, all my wounds will be healed. For now, I will walk with Him through those stations every morning preparing myself once again, for His Sacrifice. In this I am healed.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

A pleasant surprise

I want to share this simple story with you. As I have admitted over and over, I spend many hours of my day conversing with God and His angels. I was on Martha's Vineyard doing yard work and I decided that I would spend the late morning clamming. I went to the Sailing camp which is now closed. I could see one other man clamming quite a distance from me. I clammed for around an hour or so when I decided to head home. I had got about 1/3 of a bushel and didn't come as prepared as I should have. I had made my way quite a distance and had to bring all of these clams back to where my car was parked. It was a walk up a very steep rocky road that my car couldn't manage. As I slowly made it back to where I sarted I prayed to God saying it would be very nice if someone would come along with a truck so I didn't have to carry this heavy basket up the hill. I really didn't know how I would get it, my clamming rake and my camera up that steep rocky hill. I kept praying my rosary and walking in knee deep water, fighting to balance everything,when I see a man pull up in a truck right where I came out of the dirt road. As I stepped out of the water, he asked me." would you like me to put your clams in the back of my truck and bring them to the top of the hill?" Yes, thank you I said with a smile as I quietly thanked God for answering my prayer. Why when we pray and ask God and His angels for whatever, are we surprized when He answers? I think because maybe most people don't live this way, putting everything in His hands.
Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you. That is what I choose to believe and how I choose to live.

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Perfect Cross

When listening to this morning's gospel, something came to me. A vision of the cross as a perfect symbol for our faith.

This was the reading,Matthew 22:34-40,"one of them, a scholar of the law, tested him(Jesus)by asking,"Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" He said to him,"You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments."

I have been struggling lately trying to understand the way God, and Jesus and Mary for that matter speak to my heart. A way that seems so different than most people I know. My confessor once told me something to the effect,"There are two types of faith, vertical and horizontal. Your faith seems to be vertical when most people's is horizontal." I hadn't heard this before but feel maybe Jesus is teaching me with this reading, that he intended our faith to be a combination of the two. I hate to admit that I spend hours and hours a day conversing with God, Jesus, Mary our Mother, the saints and angels. I can compare it only to the feeling I had when courting my now husband. I can think of nothing else. When I am awake, when I am asleep, when I am working, and when I am resting. Every moment is filled with thoughts of Him and them and how I might become closer. This, to me is the vertical faith my priest spoke about. This, to me is the "Love the Lord with all your heart, mind and soul. This love allows my heart to long to share this feeling with everyone. It is contagious! That, to me is the horizontal part of our faith. Go out and spread the good news! "Love your neighbor as yourself." So this came to me in a split second during the gospel. If we put both aspects of faith together we get the cross, something I wish never to give up.

After mass while sitting in the Adoration chapel, at the end of my prayers, I opened my Imitation of Christ to a picture of Jesus with these words under it. "I am the truth" It felt like a perfect end to my morning mass and meditation/adoration. My prayer;
Jesus, I thank you for all of the beautiful gifts you have given me this day. I love you!, with my whole heart,my whole soul,my whole mind, and with all my strength. I thank you for bringing me to that place you spoke so wonderfully to me about, in the past. I now understand that that place is you here, living in my own heart. So close that you are with me here at every moment. I beg you, never allow this to end. Never allow our hearts to be apart from one another, for by that, I would die a thousand deaths. I give you my heart from now into eternity. Amen

Monday, August 9, 2010

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

a fruitless harvest

I haven't been able to blog in a very long time it seems. But, figure that for today I will go a differnt route, just discuss some things that are on my mind. Today's readings in Hosea seem to magnify what has been on my heart lately.
" the stalk of grain that forms no ear can yield no flower.".........When Ephraim made many altars to expiate sin, his altars became occasions of sin.
The reason why I find it so difficult to write anything is that I feel like I am being torn in two. I find myself bouncing between 2 totally different Catholic Churches. I can find NO peace doing this. In my heart and in my prayers I hear the importants of reverance, in reparation. As much as I love my home Parish, I feel in faith that I have been shown that so many things are lacking or maybe exchanged for something new and modern. I see and feel the faith that is shared by us regular morning mass goers, but also feel so much is being lost. I desire so completely for our church to be restored. I want so badly for the tabernacle to return to the center of our church. In our parish the tabernacle is over to the side. A good percentage of seats in our church have an obstructed view. People come in genuflect to the St Domiano Icon and walk right past the tabernacle. Do they understand that HE is there? I don't feel it. Maybe that is why people are leaving the church, or comming to church but ignoring his commandments . I want to run! I am so tired of feeling that our Catholic faith has been replaced right in front of our eyes. I want to walk into my church and know that was is taught is good and true and pure teachings from Jesus himself. Does anyone else feel a little scared when they hear the readings? How can He be happy with a mass that focuses on the parish priest who sits high in a preciding chair in the exact spot that the tabernacle should be. I guess I may be babbling now, but this is partly why I don't write any more. I am at a loss for words. Pray for me will you please!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Life lessons in a disfunctional family

I spent the last two days taking care of some family matters. Most importantly meeting at probate court trying to finalize my Mother's estate. When My mother died I was named as the executrix. I don't think I did a very good job, but what I did try to do is share my faith in every situation. It has been very difficult because the faith life that I live, is not shared with any of my siblings. What I did hear was "God" coming out of the mouth of every single one of them. I am very thankful for that. I have prayed for their conversions. That maybe they would find their hidden faith. The seed was planted, hopefully they will recognise Him in their life more. I know he has been there. They just don't recognise him. Part of me wants to share all that I learned, but at the moment I am physically exhausted. Maybe another day!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Keeping all in the silence of my heart

I often wonder if I should remove my blogs from this site. I haven't been in a place that sharing my thoughts is important. God is at work in my life, but he is bringing me into places that I don't quite recognise or understand. It's like He is letting me know His heart. Something I have desired for a very long time. Maybe for now I just have to keep this intimacy in the silence of my heart.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Lenten offerings

I find myself asking the question "Is my offering enough"? I spent yesterday helping a woman whom I bring communion to. The thing is, the whole time I help her, I think of my own sister that I find very hard to help. She is very much like my sister. They both are very alone in their illness, not understood and mostly not helped by the medical system. As difficult as she may be, I try my best to be a helping hand for her. I want her to be well. I want her to find the help she needs to get through all of the red tape that clutters her existance. But, most of all I want to help my sister, even though she really doesn't want my help. She doesn't understand my life, my prayer, anything. She thinks I am a religious wierdo. I can't even write, it feels so painful. I don't know how to solve the issues that plague these two women, but wish I had a plan. For now I help one, wishing it were the other. Does that make any sense?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Saturday morning's mass and readings

Hearing the Prophet Isaiah in Saturday morning's 1st reading 58;9b-14 brought me right back into the spiritual confusion I have been feeling so strongly lately."......Then light shall rise for you in the darkness, and gloom shall become for you like midday; Then the Lord will guide you always........He will renew your strength, and you will be like a watered garden." It goes on and speaks about keeping holy the sabbath.
I am not feeling this light right now. I understand the light in my heart, but keep getting caught up between these 2 churches I am attending. Which way do I turn? I want to run away from my Franciscan parish that always speaks about "the spirit of the law", and towards the conservative traditional parish that always gives direct guidance in the homilies. Always teaching, always asking us to try to do 'more' just for God. But,as much as I feel the pull towards this parish, I also feel that our parish is my Franciscan family. For the life of me I don't understand. Where is this truth bringing me? For now I quietly pray and wait. It is in God's hands, never mine.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

My search for the truth

With only a few days left before lent, I am feeling pressed to figure out my Lenten offering. As I sit in prayer I seem to be getting more and more confused. I can't stop thinking about the idea that I am maybe living a double life. I may as well make the confession right here and now. As any regular readers of this blog know, I am a professed Secular Franciscan. BUT, and it is a BIG but, I have been feeling the pull away from my Franciscan Parish. I don't understand it myself. Every single day I pray for the truth, and the feelings I get make me more confused than ever. I have felt the desire to wear a head covering "Mantilla" and enjoy the Latin mass and maybe even just the reverence that I don't seem to be finding at my parish. I feel like a sinner because I flip flop from one church to the other. No one wears a head covering at my parish and as a regular cantor, I would be making a big stir. I don't know how to be strong enough to express my faith in this way at the parish I have been at for 20 something years. I feel like a hypocrite before God wearing a head covering one day at one church, and then not wearing one the next. Kneeling and receiving Eucharist at one church and standing at the other. I would have never imagined that my profession would pull me away instead of draw me in. I feel so lost. I can't stop hearing the last homily I heard from the "other priest". If you search for the truth, it will be given to you. I guess that is all I want to share.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

"God IS Love"

I can be very shy about sharing words that come to my heart. But for today, I step out in faith and share.
Words heard in front of the Blessed Sacrament
"It's hard to imagine anything more or anything less. It's just you and me. We sit here in the silence of our hearts, yet we are joined as one. We unite our hearts in Love so as to strengthen your conviction towards the Father. It is His love that we strive for. I am only the (tool) vessel that holds his love. I bring it to you here today in this chapel, so then you can bring it to all you meet.(the world). Please hold His love preciously in your heart today and always. Keep it there waiting to come out and be shared. God IS Love, I AM Love, and now, you are Love. (Peace) Shalom!"

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Sanctification of all priests

Lately I have felt the urge to remove this blog. I just don't feel the desire to be writing it at the moment. I guess today I want to write about the holy mass and how different each parish can be. Today I went to a neighboring parish. The morning starts with a very early recitation of the rosary. I love hearing all of the people that enter and join in at what ever mystery we happen to be on. I feel it is a true witness of that devotion. This is in comparison to our parish where the women (all over the age of 75, but me 49) wait until everyone has left and the church is empty before they recite the rosary. Okay, I don't really know where I am going with this but In this same parish I have to pray for the priest whom,(God forgive me/ I feel doesn't prepare even for a minute for his homily. He appears to run in at the very last moment and give a 1 minute homily that always says the very same thing. For me it seems like that parish is being held together by the rosary. I find myself going just to pray for that priest. I won't even go on about that, just keep him in prayer. At my parish even though I don't feel the great devotionals and community prayer, I do feel I get a good homily from one young priest who incorporates both readings and what He (God) may want us to learn. I don't know what I wrote this for, but I guess during the year of priests we must understand the humanness of our priests and our parishes and keep all of thm in prayer. We must be thankful for what we have and sometimes that may take a visit to another church.

Today I pray for the sanctification of all priests! St John Vianney pray for us!