Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Easter Sunday has come and gone and although I expected to feel the internal glory of the Resurrection I wasn't quite feeling it. I went through lent understanding the fast, the mortification the sacrifice, but somehow I thought with the Resurrection would come a new light. Maybe the glorious light I saw and felt when I first truly began to understand all that Jesus did was for me. I have no idea why, but this year I was expecting something physical to come over me. I was able to partake in all of the Masses and stations, the triduum and even 3 Easter Sunday masses, each given by a different priest. (This happens when you are in the choir at our church.) There were so many graces and gifts in the last 40 something days. Why did I want more? Then I heard how when Mary Magdalene recognised Jesus, He had to tell her to stop clinging to Him and go spread the news. I realized that I had already been allowed to recognize Him in His Resurrection when I had my spiritual awakening or maybe reconversion. Still I was hoping that Jesus would somehow appear and allow me to stay safely at His feet, in that glorious light of the Pascal candle. It's not allowed, not then and not now. Like Mary Magdalene, I wasn't recognizing Him. The gift that I was waiting for, was right in front of me in that precious cup of blood and the tiny Eucharist. That is the resurected Christ. It was there every day for me to take and be filled. The rest HE was leaving up to me.