Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Coming out from under that bushel basket

(After hearing today's Gospel Mathew 5;17-19), I couldn't help but be reminded of my ongoing battle. Faith, family,and keeping both firmly in my life. A while ago I had an argument with a family member. I felt that after years of silence I somehow had to finally air my views on things. That was a BIG mistake. Now this person feels I hate her and probably think because of my spiritual search for Jesus that I somehow am superior to her. How can I be strong enough to stand firm on my commitment to follow the commandments. People don't follow! They say they are catholic and then brag of beliefs of right to life and right to prestige and power and every other vise that comes along. It's like if they haven't shot or stabbed someone, they haven't sinned. I want to be that person Jesus speaks about in Mathew's gospel. Yet, my family consider me some sort of fool. They think I am mean and thoughtless. They say, my beliefs have changed me. Well, they have! I know they have. I know I am not allowed to judge but fall so short of being Christ like. Why Jesus, didn't you have a bigger family so that I could read up on how you dealt with them. Sometimes I feel the more I search for HIM the less I understand. Is there anyone else out there that feels the way that I do? I sometimes feel scared to admit how difficult this faith thing is.