"Anoint yourself as an offering to HIM"

Upon hearing yesterday's first reading from the Book of Genesis,(Cain and Abel)I was brought back to something I once heard.

"You know my child, every Sabbath that reigns on you, rains like stars from the heavens. You must offer up all of your gifts at His banquet so as to anoint yourself as an offering to Him. He will accept your gifts and lead you into a place closer than you have ever been before. My child, know that I am with you. I hold you now because you are my child. I love you as I do all my children. You must enter into my presence today, so I may help you through these feelings you are having. You are not alone. I am with you."

Before I heard these words I never realized that I myself was the offering that I would place on the altar. To think that Cain was so envious of his brother's gifts that he killed him. Day after day I approach the altar with all my unworthiness and the closer I come to HIM the more I understand that I must accept that my stripped down self is what is being offered on the altar. I somehow have to get past all the baggage I carry. How I compare myself to saints and never come even close. He knows every cell of my being, every thought and desire and still I must nakedly walk up to that altar giving myself to HIM. We must never compare our gifts. We must long to become that perfect gift. The one Our Father create us to become. "THE PRECIOUS CUP" Purify me Lord, posses my thoughts, increase my faith!

Desires of a child

I have been given the desires of a child. To spend hours conversing with Him as if He were sitting beside me. Asking for the ability to live as a saint,to pray for souls and help carry His cross. Why does my heart long for courage to ask for the unachievable? I am not a child, but I dream like one. I pray like one. My thoughts and prayers are of things I can not even admit to my spiritual counsel, if I had that. But yet, it fills my thoughts. It drives me, consumes me. So I go forward quietly hoping that help will come.

A glimpse of Him

How is it that we hear words and somehow they never penetrate our being. We go through our life day after day feeling good in our faith and one day everything changes. We hear so often how Jesus spoke in parables knowing not everyone would hear. For a while now I have lived in a darkness that I couldn't shake. I longed for answers. Why did Jesus allow these things to take place in my life? These questions I pondered for not just days or weeks but for more than a year. I was looking for the answer from everyone but Him. No matter what I heard or read I still looked to be guided by my priest, my husband, my close friends. I think maybe with every struggle in my life I looked for some sort of validation. "Help me someone" I would run to my mother, as I got older my friend, later in my life I looked for answers from my husband, even my children. Why is it when I felt bad I had to go an tell someone, look for comfort, security, or just validation. I was told give everything to God through Mary but felt I was handing something off to Him. I finally realized it wasn't a hand off,But more like having arms so full that everything is going to fall and allowing Him to catch not only what I carried, but my whole being, to fall right into His arms. There will be No validation. It is just a uncontrolled letting go so he helps to carry whatever the burden might be. I feel today, maybe I have been given a glimpse of His true love.