I want to walk in the light

I write this new post not even knowing what I will write about. I have felt pulled away from Blogging. Not even reading the blogs that I so enjoyed before. I don't really understand where He is leading me. So often I step forward in faith, trying to bring Him out into the world and my small effort is misunderstood. How does that happen? Last night I read a passage in a book I am your Jesus of Mercy, a lesson on obedience. Jesus said,"to have an open heart is to accept what I give you gratefully, trusting that I WILL PROVIDE. To have an open heart is NOT placing emphasis and value on YOUR interpretations of what is good and what is bad. It is remaining neutral and open. It is remaining without judgement as much as possible."

How do I do this? It, for me is so difficult to stay neutral.
If you don't know I have a 19 year old daughter. She is very beautiful. I find myself arguing with her about things, our faith. She knows her faith some what, but the world is pulling her away. This past week her friends have come home from college. She did some things that disappointed me and her father. We made her leave her fun Sunday evening and come home. She was furious and told me that I was making her not want to practice her faith, making her not want to go to church. She was saying things that insinuated that the rules were too hard and she needed to bend them a little. I see this happening so much in our church, our faith. I sat down and explained to her that we had only two choices, heaven or hell. We, her father and I had to stand firm in asking her to follow the commandments. That is all we ask of her, I told her. She explained how other parents allowed their children( adult children) to do so many things that we did not allow. Again I said, honor thy father and thy mother and keep holy the Sabbath were written by God and something we chose to live by. I explained that if she missed mass intentionally she could not receive the Eucharist and that she needed to reconcile this with God at confession. She told me that she wouldn't receive and might stop going to church all together if I didn't let up. I explained to her that when this life was over, I had to know that she would be there with me enjoying life eternal. She said she was so angry at us and yet couldn't be as mad as she wanted to be. As mad as she could be, if our obsession was working out or buying clothes. How could she explain to her friends that her parents put God before things of this world. PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS! I will never stop giving all I have to Jesus through Mary. I will always asks her guardian angel to help smooth the bumps that come between us. I will not stop asking our Blessed Mother to be my lips and my voice when I am speaking to her. Dearest Jesus, please give me this "open Heart " you speak of. Allow me to be brave enough to not worry what others think or say about me. Allow me to be neutral. Help me to be a good parent. Hold my family together in faith through all obstacles, for this I pray! Amen.

Yesterday morning the first reading was a reading from the first letter of Saint John 2:3-11 BELOVED: The way we may be sure that we know Jesus is to keep his commandments. Whoever says, "I know him," but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps his word, the love of God is truly perfect in him. This is the way we may know that we are in union with him: whoever claims to abide in him ought to walk just as he walked........... With tears streaming down my cheeks I thanked Him, and I believe with those words He was thanking me. Those words were just what I needed to hear. Let us all live in His light, Happy New Year! H

33 Days as Monica

I arrived to morning mass, giving myself time to think about and pray for my mother. She died on this day December 16,2006. Instead, I started thinking about my grandmother, her mother, who died on December 17,1960, the year I was born. I didn't know her, but feel she held me many times those first weeks of my life. My grandmother came to our house every night for dinner. This is what my sister and brother told me about her. My mother loved her very dearly and my father who was somewhat wild, respected her and all was peaceful and typical of family life in those days(incidentally he died on December 15, 1996). I pictured her holding me and maybe giving me one finger to hold back. I pictured our eyes meeting and that simple love shared between a tiny child and their mother's mother. I was Monica then, named after my father's mother. She, my Granny Helen held me and loved me as Monica. My grandmother died, devastating my mother and removing all security in her relationship with my dad. Granny had kept him in line. My mother changed my name to Helen, after her mother and my Granny Helen, so I have lived my live as Helen Monica, two women that I really never knew. It's funny how we can love people we didn't ever know and feel their prayers and kindness through small graces given by God.
I love you Momma and hope you are with Granny Helen and Dad and all our family. This time of year continues to be hard for me as I'm sure it was for you.
You are in my prayers.

Helen Monica Putriment Maciolek

I feel ready to share

So... I am feeling a little like opening this blog spot and explaining why I haven't written. As anyone who read my past blogs I was away on Mission to Haiti. I got back on November 19Th and by mid day of the 20Th I started feeling very ill. I went to bed around 3 o'clock and feel like I barely was awake for days. Sleeping was my only comfort. I felt as though a truck had run me over. I had a small fever but was taking a combination of Tylenol and Advil(double dipping you might say) to mask the horrible pain, My glands under my armpits swelled like peas and so did the ones on the back of my head and neck. I was hungry. but when I ate I had bad indigestion. As it worsened I found it hard to drink even water. By Monday I saw the doctor and he sent me to the lab for tests. Well day after day my white and red cells dropped and my Liver (something?) increased. It got really complicated but my doctor said it was anything from Malaria to Hepatitis. After another traveler was diagnosed with Dengue fever, he figured that was probably what I had. I don't really care to revisit all of that. But, today, I feel awake and ready to maybe somehow share what I experienced. So many people and places! I will again put all to prayer. For now Keith is pulling in the driveway and Celena is hungry so I guess life may be back to normal. Maybe tomorrow I will share.