A simple thought that I finds so hard to explain

How is it that it seems so strange to explain to people that when I talk to God, he answers. I can not seem to let one moment go buy where I am not asking His opinion or Her(Mary's) help. When did they become the center of everything? I guess it happened slowly, but I still get so excited when my prayers are answered. I can't say" It's like he reads my mind," because He knows my mind. He knows,every thought and desire and plan and scheme. What a simple thought.

Coming out from under that bushel basket

(After hearing today's Gospel Mathew 5;17-19), I couldn't help but be reminded of my ongoing battle. Faith, family,and keeping both firmly in my life. A while ago I had an argument with a family member. I felt that after years of silence I somehow had to finally air my views on things. That was a BIG mistake. Now this person feels I hate her and probably think because of my spiritual search for Jesus that I somehow am superior to her. How can I be strong enough to stand firm on my commitment to follow the commandments. People don't follow! They say they are catholic and then brag of beliefs of right to life and right to prestige and power and every other vise that comes along. It's like if they haven't shot or stabbed someone, they haven't sinned. I want to be that person Jesus speaks about in Mathew's gospel. Yet, my family consider me some sort of fool. They think I am mean and thoughtless. They say, my beliefs have changed me. Well, they have! I know they have. I know I am not allowed to judge but fall so short of being Christ like. Why Jesus, didn't you have a bigger family so that I could read up on how you dealt with them. Sometimes I feel the more I search for HIM the less I understand. Is there anyone else out there that feels the way that I do? I sometimes feel scared to admit how difficult this faith thing is.

Cleans me ...

I have been very busy lately. So busy that I haven't written in a long time. This is hard for me because when I write I share my thoughts with whom ever might happen upon this blog.
For some time now I have lived my life totally in the hands of Our Lord and Savior through the intercession of His Mother. What I struggle with today is the handing over of my failings to Him. I want so deeply to be perfect for Him, yet I fall so very short of this. Lately, I have sat and pondered what Peter must have thought when he kept failing his friend and brother and Savior. How do I go beyond a time of extreme failure. I really don't know where to begin. I feel that I have been taught the handing over of my failings to God, but still don't quite know how to find forgiveness from myself to myself. The sadness overwhelms me. WILL I EVER LEARN!!! When I fall and fail at loving my sister perfectly I show Him my unclean side. I never want this to ever happen again. Oh Lord wash me from my iniquities, cleans me from my sins.