Blind faith and trust is all we have!

Yesterday I traveled to Martha's Vineyard to attend a meeting Of LCM ( little Children Of Mary) Do to circumstances, I had to make the trip all in one day. It was the birthday of my friends who heads up this group and all trips of LCM to Haiti. I enjoy spending time with my friend. During the meeting, we went over minutes of the last meeting, discussed all new business and lastly started in the prayer time discussing how we as Little children of Mary have worked on bettering ourselves for Her and the cause we work together on. As I have shared , Margaret bases all inspiration on the messages from Our Lady Queen of Peace. All of a sudden Hell broke loose right in the middle of our meet. These women, the same ones we had just shared prayers with to Our Virgin Mother,for so many different intercessions,started expressing how they didn't want to increase their faith or conform their lives to Her teachings. I can't explain it but I saw Margaret lower her head and start praying in words that all could hear if they stopped arguing and listened. They said things like," I don't want to go to confession, I don't want to attend daily mass, I am perfectly happy just the way I am." I don't know what came over me(Maybe Mary and her most beloved spouse) but all that I had studied and read during my reconsecration about her being coredemptrix and the theories on private revelation and how our Pope is asked to come upon any decision in this regard. My heart opened and poured out on the floor in front of these six women. One was crying , one was agitated. Margaret asked that anyone who wished would take a cut message out of a wooden box and share it as the closing of the meeting. Some passed , but the messages we read were about continuing with prayer, Loving Her son, and I can't even recall, but I do remember that each reading felt like a personal gift hand picked for that very moment. I (or we) may never be totally sure of the validity of the revelations of Medgorje. What I do know is that in every private revelation we are asked to understand it's content and if it is for the greater good. For me I have prayed to God that I might understand His will in all of this. He keeps bringing me to the feet of Mary, Her arms are stretched out like a teacher. She is smiling and asking us to love Her son. How can I not listen and share this with LCM. Margaret called me as I traveled home, thanking me for my words, I told her I was very glad to open my heart for Her. That was the birthday gift I could give. BLIND FAITH AND TRUST, IS ALL WE HAVE. peace!

Will be traveling in November

Oh,if anyone follows my blog. I bought my ticket to Haiti. So far I may travel bare foot and empty handed, but I feel He has asked me to go.

The start of a new journey

Tonight we profess as Secular Franciscans. I left morning mass wanting to write about Jonah and how God called one person to make a difference in the lives of the Ninavites. How he quietly and persistently spoke to Jonah asking him to bring His words in front of them. I have felt this happening in my life and expect it happens more often than anyone might believe. He went to Jonah even though Jonah didn't feel worthy. He maybe wasn't sure in his heart, that the Ninavites deserved forgiveness. Do any of us deserved the forgiveness we ask for? No, I know I don't. I just can't believe how awesome God is that He speaks right to my heart. Let me share how my morning went. This is why the subject of this blog changed.
I left mass and headed to Springfield to have my windshield resealed for the third time. I was traveling through the X when I saw a woman walking. I couldn't tell her age. She had long black hair and carried a bag in one hand that seemed to be filled with her belongings. I found myself telling Jesus I can't stop. I need the three 20$ bills to buy my passenger book for the ferry tomorrow. I kept driving and heard "you have other money, look in your wallet.". I reached into my wallet and took out three one dollar bills and started to turn my car around. This is when I heard "no, you have to give her all that is in there."( I was saving myself $2.00 for God knows what) I took the 5 one dollar bills and looking down saw a pair of car rosary beads which I felt I had to include as part of my gift to this woman. I wrapped the bills around the beads. As I drove back I found myself pleading with Jesus that I wasn't too late, that I would see which direction she went. When I saw her I pulled down a side street and parked and approached her. I said I felt that she needed these 5 dollars. She mumbled something that I really didn't understand about not helping with the post office but that her laundry would be taken care of. She sat there on the edge of a cement planter, with a wool coat over her arm and a clear bag of her belongings beside her, in white bedroom slippers that bared all but the instep of her foot. A giant smile came over her face. She started rocking back and forth like she was in a rocking chair grinning the biggest grin that didn't go away. It was like that 5 dollars was a million dollars that had been given to her. I walked back to my car and when I drove past she was still rocking and grinning. I started to cry realizing He taught me on this special day what I needed to know most. Francis is alive and living in me. In the past He has asked me to share EVERYTHING. In my heart this is what I want to do. Yet, I find myself in this world where people have no value unless they have some great job with a good salary. I don't want any of that. I just want to bring Him out into the world. Profession is a life long journey, We will walk it together.

Will I travel and speak with the ministre

This past summer I met someone that I felt was brought into my life by Our Virgin Mother. She has a very high position in Haiti and is instrumental in the passing of laws that are meant to change and better the lives of Haitian women. Somehow, it came up that her next law that she wants to work on is the legalization of abortion in the cases of incest and rape etc. As soon as she mentioned this I knew the WE had to talk. I feel that she recently has felt some sort of reconversion and maybe that was why when she heard a friend and me singing, she felt very drawn to us. Anyway, she is back in Haiti and I have been invited to travel on a mission trip in November. This mission is lead by "Little Children of Mary," Martha's Vineyard. I really have felt since early on, that I was going to speak to her about the mistake she would be making. I am writing this today to ask for prayers, that I, somehow come up with the funds to buy my plane ticket. $408.00 plus anything extra for travel. I have come up with $255.00. As of today there is still room on the flight. I know it is in God's hands, but I know your prayers will help. Also we are looking for a priest to travel with us. If you know of anyone, the trip is November 10th to the 19th and we travel from Boston to Miami, to Haiti. My heart feels that I am going, but we will see.

Can I continue to receive on the tongue

In last Sunday's bulletin our pastor published a letter written by our bishop. It stated that because of the H-1 N-1 virus we would no longer partake in the precious blood and that he strongly suggested that we no longer receive the Eucharist on the tongue. I really don't understand. THIS IS GOD! He would not allow the virus to be passed through His body and the blood. Am I wrong? Well anyway, my husband and I agreed that we would try to receive on the hand. Since I am a cantor and he is a lector, we would be on the altar and noticed receiving on the tongue after this letter was published. Our parochial vicar and the communicants seemed confused when we put up our hands in humble obedience. How does a person know where to draw the line. I have asked reputable religious friends saying people would notice. Each time I was told maybe people should notice. It seems like things are going haywire around me in many different forms. Jesus asks us to remember Him with His body and blood. He doesn't say some of the time, when danger of illness isn't likely. All I can do is think back hundreds of years when all kinds of illness and plagues spread without cures. Again, Jesus IS GOD, He is all knowing then and now. He would not have had this sharing of the Body and Blood if he was worried about any of that. I am just stumped.
Yesterday during adoration I asked Jesus if He had anything He wanted to discuss with me. I often speak to Him in this way. I saw myself receiving on the tongue. It was like I was looking at myself from the side. Then it was like I was shown him entering right into my heart. I can't explain it, because it all happened in my minds eye in time that was without time. In the time I take one breath or in the blink of my eyes. It wasn't even real or actual. It was like I melted away and my heart was what was left. Any way, not really knowing what this meant , I received on the hand again today, but when I picked up the Eucharist to place it in my mouth, time stopped. I couldn't stop my gaze upon the cross in the center of the Eucharist. It was the same gaze that I am allowed when receiving on the tongue. When the Eucharist fills my whole field of vision. When I focus on the beauty and the gift I am about to receive. It seemed to last a very long time. I wonder if the priest noticed? I wish I could just go to my pastor and ask. Unfortunately we aren't close and I always seem to irritate him. Our parochial vicar said he was fine with me continuing to receive on the tongue. This was because he seemed to continue to aim at my mouth. I had to thrust my hands upwards to give him the hint as to where the Eucharist was to be placed. So I asked him. I don't know what I am going to do. I think this is a mistake and I don't know what to do about it.

The sweater

I have been without a computer for a few weeks, and now we are hooked up to an old computer. I guess it will work for now.

I was attending mass on Martha's Vineyard last week. We spend much of the summer there where I walk to daily mass every morning in a small parish center. A woman walked in the door of this make-shift chapel who I didn't recognise. Something drew me to her. She was older maybe late 70's and well kept in a simple preppy way. She wore ked's and white socks with pom poms on the heals. I don't understand why she caught my eyes but she did. Anyway, I saw her arrive at mass day after day. No big deal. After the third day when I went home I started to think that the sweater she wore on that day was one like my mother had. Not recently but maybe in the late 1970's which was when my mother would have been in her 50's and I was a teenager. I couldn't stop thinking of the sweater. The next day when she entered the chapel she came and sat right beside me and she was wearing the sweater again. Tears started to stream down my face. It was like my mother in the form of a sweater came and visited me in that quiet time after morning rosary and before mass.

Spiritual poverty

I have been learning what spiritual poverty is. I really feel that maybe God has allowed me to enter yet another room in my library of faith . I can't explain it exactly, but I feel I am being taught how to leave myself out of many decisions. It's like every morning,I leave on a journey without knowing it's destination. I really don't know how I have been allowed to go this far, but day by day minute by minute he leads me. She leads me. All I know is that when I live this way it allows Him to decide the outcome. In the midst of all of this I have been hampered by a case of tendinitis. The doctor has told me to rest my arm for a few weeks. That seemed okay until my computer crashed. It is now out at a shop. I probably will be another week without it. I really miss reading every one's blogs. I borowed this mac book to see what I have missed. There isn't enough time to read anything only see that I have missed a lot. I almost feel okay without any of it. So, for now I take a break from My Blog, email Etc. Maybe next week I will be back. Maybe at the moment my journey is better unshared. Peace to all of you!